When it comes to prison barbarism by far the most popular personal weapon of choice in the UK is the old favourite and perpetually reliable, “battery in a sock.” Wielded like a battle flail, a simple sock loaded with a PP9 can swiftly and effectively incapacitate even the most robust enemy with just a few swings to the temple, so long as a solid connection is made from the off. For that to happen, better that the strike is made when the target least expects it: in the communal toilets perhaps when heads are down and trousers are around ankles, or in the showers – for nobody in prison is more vulnerable than a naked prisoner with eyes closed under flowing water – and the more cowardly the attack, the greater the likelihood of success. (Pusillanimity is almost always a key characteristic among jail assailants.) Other weapons are popular too of course. The jug of, “napalm,” – boiling water taken from the landing urn mixed with sugar to ensure the hot liquid sticks and inflicts maximum scarring is another favourite. A good “jugging” will soon rid the wing of any persona non grata. More vicious and risky to employ are home made bladed instruments known as “chibs” or “shivs,” (though there is now a fashion for calling such tools after their American equivalents: “shanks.” In-cell television and access to programmes like America’s Toughest Jails, has introduced much US prison slang terminology to UK prisoners which helps to give the largely depressing British prison experience yet another distorted shade of the exotic.)

 Blades can be fashioned from a positive plethora of items available on a prison wing. Most convenient to hand are prison issue knives, forks and spoons made from hardened plastic which are easy to hone on any abrasive surface. Perspex rulers stolen from the education department, sharpened and shaped by the same method also make fearsome stabbing implements. The classic prison shiv however is the type that Damien Fowkes allegedly used on Huntley – the toothbrush with a razorblade melded into the end. According to various reports Fowkes allegedly managed to cut a seven-inch gash Huntley’s throat that may have been as much as an inch deep, missing his jugular by a matter of millimetres.

No glory for Fowkes however. My guess is that the lack of precision in his  lunge and slice will haunt the convicted robber for the rest of his criminal career. Huntley will now undoubtedly be generously compensated for the prison service’s alleged negligence in allowing the circumstances in which the assault took place to occur. And instead of becoming known as the man who killed Huntley, Fowkes will be forever known as the man who won a cash bonus of thousands for a childkiller. If the whole sorry episode was not so damned tragic – it would be a struggle not to split your sides laughing.